Posts Tagged ‘marriage’

don’t hand me no lines

In Communication, Entertainment and Nightlife, Home, Relationships on May 17, 2011 at 9:59 pm

Did you know that some people marry people they aren’t in love with? Did you also know that I’m overcoming the visceral reaction to rearrange that sentence so that’s is too awkward to read but does not end in a preposition? Let’s move on. Damn it!

I’m in my early 30s, which is when folks begin to nest. They start settling. There isn’t so much a biological clock as there is a dearth of single, childless friends to carouse with on weekends. You look around and start realizing that the make-out party is becoming less party and more make-out and you’re running out of suitable partners.

While I don’t think everyone is going to meet their soulmate, I take the oath of marriage pretty seriously. I take it so seriously that I haven’t taken it. People stay in relationships with someone they don’t love, sometimes even going so far as to marry them. They might divorce, or they might stay unhappy forever. There might be affairs. There might be children.

Men always think I like them more than I do. They think each crush is love. They think they hold my heart in their hands and it’s up to them to care for it. You don’t do me favors by faking feelings. You don’t do me favors by being half-invested. You don’t do me favors by putting off breaking up.

Often, people are afraid to end things because they don’t want the other person to get hurt. Honey, the hurting is inevitable. And in the meantime, you’re stealing from them. You’re stealing time and energy and love that they could be sharing with someone who reciprocates. You’re stealing their ability to trust again, and their self-confidence.

I never get worked up when someone doesn’t like me “like I like them.” First, I hardly know you yet. Second, there’s been unrequited love in both directions in my past. Sure, it sucks – both ways (that’s what she said). But I haven’t had much stolen and I haven’t stolen much.

Which is pretty good for 32.

all you need is love

In Communication, Home, Relationships on December 3, 2010 at 10:02 pm

It has come to my attention that my previous post appears to paint a dismal picture of relationships.

I don’t think it’s bleak… but maybe that’s because I’m an optimist.  Like, love still happens.  What makes love amazing and awesome is that it overcomes all those natural urges.  Like we are fighting our own biological nature.  Compromise is a beautiful thing.

I don’t want to imply that relationships are something to be cynical about.  I’m really not cynical at all, and the reason I’m not cynical is that I don’t see malice in people’s behavior; it’s just human nature.  But I’m super optimistic about people and relationships and love.  I think people are amazing.

I hate to say that I saw good advice in Glamour magazine.  but I did.  It said make a list of everything you want in a potential mate.  When you meet someone who makes you not care about the list, you’ve got your winner.

The point being- love is what makes all of the bullshit about women treating men as a strategy game and men treating women like sex objects go down the drain, because they can’t stand up to love.  There is a magical thing about a relationship where two people are in it to win it.  Maybe they aren’t soul mates, and maybe they won’t be together forever, but for the time being, it’s them against the world.

I believe in love.  I even believe in marriage (although it’s not for everyone, I imagine).  As much as I see myself as more trouble than I’m worth, it’s never crossed my mind that there isn’t someone out there who is all about putting up with my shit for the long haul.

But please, no heart-shaped jewelry.  I have my limits.