the best policy

In Communication, Relationships on September 13, 2011 at 8:59 pm

You will hurt people.

People will hurt you.

People who you love and care about will hurt you and be hurt by you. It’s inevitable. It is going to happen. (That’s what inevitable means!)

There is something about that certainty that is comforting. It’s after you’ve done your interview and before you find out if you got the job. It’s what is hopefully a brief moment between the proposal and the yes. It’s the time after you’ve released the responsibility and before the consequences arrive. There is a freedom in certainty that allows for flexibility everywhere else.

I’m really honest. I’m not just truthful. I tell truths whether they are required or not. To say I’m blunt is to say that American Beauty is a downer. But there is a method to my madness. At least this madness in particular.

While the hurt is inevitable, it’s not necessarily permanent. I could be wrong, but I kind of think that it’s a lot harder to hurt someone irreparably if I’m always honest with them. Deceit is to trust as poison ivy is to my skin. It hurts really bad at first. Then it gets better. But I still have scars, although some are barely visible. For the record- I probably have more poison ivy scars than emotional, lest you think I merely wax poetic. But I strongly believe that no truth is fatal.

Maybe I’m just lazy, because when you’re always honest, you don’t have to remember what you’ve said. I have no memory anymore, so maybe it’s a protective reflex to keep from getting my ass in more trouble than I usually am. And you’d be surprised how often being honest as kept me from getting into trouble- I mess up, but no one thinks there’s a motive. Because I would have already told you my motive.

I’m not trying to say I’m totally awesome and perfectly honest and never tell a lie, because I am not Jesus or even Felipe Alou. I’m saying, I’m totally okay with you hurting my feelings, as long as it’s true. Because then I can recover.

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