do a body good

In Health and Wellness, Relationships, Science on January 23, 2011 at 9:32 pm

I think I know my body pretty well. I don’t always treat it that well- the Dale family historically abuse our bodies. We smoke or drink or tan or eat unhealthy food or don’t exercise or sometimes all of those in a single day. But there’s no cancer in my bloodline, and we look young for our age and live a long time. We are addicted to things and pretty crazy and usually have bad knees, but overall, not a bad ROI.

I know I have some male readers (honestly, it still astounds me that I have readers at all), but bear with me here. I’m going to be quite frank about what happens to a lady’s body, but you’re all big boys and you can handle it.

I don’t take birth control. I stopped when I didn’t have health insurance, because there was no reason to spend money on non-essentials. I still practice safe sex (and you should too, because having STDs is such a mood-killer). But I realized that I kind of liked not being on the Pill.

Then a friend had a stroke- which her doctors attributed mainly to long-term use of the Pill.  I also read about this study, where researchers found that the Pill can skew to which kind of mate you are attracted. Basically, without the Pill, you naturally seek out someone who is going to be complementary to you in genetics. You’re going to produce viable young. When you are on the Pill, you find yourself attracted to someone with similar genetics. And how are you supposed to resist infection with that?

Woman takes the Pill. She marries a guy with a similar genetic makeup (like marrying a cousin, basically). They decide to have a kid, and the woman stops taking the Pill. And all of a sudden, her husband smells different. Stinky. And then, she’s thinking… this was a mistake. I smelled the wrong man.

I know my body now. I know that when I’m ovulating, I’m glowing and eating healthy and attracting all sorts of male attention because they can sense some baby-making possibilities. Then I hit PMS, and my body hates me for passing up an opportunity to use that egg, so I eat pizza and take naps and become very sensitive to people being so crass as to not read my mind and do my bidding.

I’m not opposed to birth control. I just feel like I do better by my body (which, to be honest, is still not very good) when I’m in tune with what these hormones are trying to tell me.

By the way, they’re telling me: “Hey! We’re trying to make a baby in here! What the fuck?!”

  1. Even though I have insurance now, I won’t go back on the Pill until I’ve settled into a relationship for that attraction reason. I was in relationship for a long time and on the pill until the last few months. I mean, there were obviously lots of reasons we broke up, but who knows?

    Plus it really gives a guy no excuse but to wear a condom: “Maybe you really are clean, but there is no way in hell I am going to have your baby. So suit up.” After working in HIV prevention, I really do not accept any excuses.

    I also read somewhere (but am too lazy to look it up), that PMS is our bodies’ last ditch attempt to make a baby. Our self-esteem is lower and we’re more susceptible to any attention a man throws our way.

  2. […] to the last post, part of the whole knowing my body thing has another positive side effect: I think I’m hot […]

  3. oh geez. now i’m doing all sorts of reconsidering on my reproductive choices. my smell is off!! ack!

    how long does it take for it all to get out of your system?

  4. @Kristen… I would not put it past my stupid reproductive system to take whatever she can get. She is such a whore.

    @JK… I think about 3 months. Just make sure you give them some non-Pill time to make sure he works. I definitely have different taste in men without birth control- seriously.

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